Thursday, July 21, 2011

Community Theater Disaster Fest 2002

This post is inspired by a recent chat I had with a friend of mine on the ups and downs of community theater.

Let's start generally. The pros of community theater: people who are really committed to artistic expression for little or no money, opportunities for all, building "community" within your community. Cons: it can be extremely political and unfair (see previous post, Waste of a Headshot).

Allow me to set the scene. I was sixteen, loved singing, and was obsessed with The Rocky Horror Picture Show. A theater 30 minutes from my house was planning a production for October (close to Halloween) and I was DEAD SET to audition for the role of Janet Weiss. For whatever reason, my mom was totally okay with me singing "Touch-A Touch-A Touch-A Touch Me" in my underwear in front of an audience, but not okay with me getting a ride home from a boy. But we're not focusing on that right now. Just accept these weird facts.

My mom thought it would fair best for me to do a show with the theater before doing Rocky Horror. Then, I wouldn't be completely unknown in the microcosm of this theater. Technically, this was sound advice.

The bizarre thing about this particular theater is that anyone, ANYONE, could put on a show as director and cast whomever they wanted. So, every show was done by someone different. I did not realize that as I MOST UNFORTUNATELY went through the audition process for "The Will Rogers Follies."

I was cast in a chorus role in the show. That was fine with me - I just wanted some experience. I show up on the first day to find that the DIRECTOR, a 50+ year old woman, had cast HERSELF as the 20 something year old ingenue lead. I thought that this was a little odd. In order to make up for the fact that she was at least THIRTY years too old to play the role, she only cast people as old or older than her in every other lead. Will Rogers, a young 20 something character, was played by a 60 year old man. His father was played by a man who was probably 65. The ingenue's best girlfriends, who are supposed to be young lithe dancers, were played by 50 year old women (and me...).

Before rehearsal began, I gave her the benefit of a doubt. Maybe she was a really excellent singer/dancer and just really liked this show.

NO FRIENDS. NO. SHE WAS NOT. This woman could not even PRETEND to sing any of the notes in any of the songs. She half-spoke, half-meowed (more like a dying cat meow) her way through the production.

On top of her awful "singing" and lack of choreography, she insisted on seven, SEVEN, costume changes for the chorus members. And we had to supply our own costumes. The list included TWO BALLGOWNS, one which had to be "gem-colored", a cow costume, and a pink costume that was essentially fashioned from shower loofahs.

Let me allow your brain to catch up with this madness. BALLGOWNS. And a COW costume. And a loofah-inspired tutu-esque ensemble. In one show.

I endured six weeks of pointless rehearsals, in which no one knew what they were doing and the direction was haphazard and lazy. I sat through musical rehearsals listening to older non-musicians try to learn four part harmonies. I watched as these theater enthusiasts with little experience tried to figure out how to tap-dance (dressed as cows). And the entire time, the director called me the wrong name. Though I corrected her once each day, she continued to ignore it. I believe that she was irritated that I was a) young, b) talented, and c) that all of her friends (who were cast in lead roles) told me that I should be playing her part.

My moment of zen was opening night. It took place in a very small theater, where you can see the audience and are standing only a few feet away from the first row of seats. The show only drew a very limited crowd of the regular theater goers, friends of the cast, and friends of the "director"/"lead." During the first number, I heard an elderly woman "whisper" to her husband that this was the worst shit she had ever seen. At intermission, more than half of the audience left, refusing to sit through any more tortuous "singing" and "dancing" and "acting."

At the end of this awful experience, which I often allow myself to forget, I was cast as the cover for Janet Weiss in The Rocky Horror Show. The director was not in any way affiliated with this other "director" and took pity on me for participating in her version of "art."

What still pisses me off is that after my first performance in Rocky Horror, my former "director" came up to me and said, "Well, you know that the only reason you were cast is because of me."

In moments like that, all you can do is smile and let the other person try to feel better about themselves. I didn't say a word.

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